In America, there is one divorce happening every 13th second and a total of 2,419,196 divorces per year.
The most common reason given by people going through a divorce according to a national survey done in the US is the “Lack of commitment” with 73%, followed by:
- Argue too much 56%
- Infidelity 55%
- Married too young 46%
- Unrealistic expectations 45%
- Lack of equality in the relationship 44%
- Lack of preparation for marriage 41%
- Domestic Violence or Abuse 25%
What better way to examine the answer to this question but to search for things that are missing in one relationship. Following this logic and the results of the survey mentioned above, the list with the most important things in a relationship should look like this:
- Maximal commitment to the relationship;
- A healthy way of communication and good argument management;
- Choosing the right time to get serious and/or get married;
- Having realistic expectations from the relationship and the partner;
- Having a feeling of equality.
Maximal commitment to the relationship
Lack of commitment leads the chart with 73%. The constant presence of love, honesty, trust, and openness that keeps two persons together and helps during times of difficulties is the thing that is missing most in the couples that took part in the research.
If the commitment and willingness to give everything possible for the partner are not there in the first place, the chances that one relationship can overcome the rest of the challenges are very low.
A healthy way of communication and good argument management
It is important to keep the amount of time and frequency of the arguments to a minimum, but how much is too much, and how to find out if you are arguing too much?
Here are several tips that you can use to find out if your quarrels are too much, too often, or just simply toxic:
- You are arguing every day;
- You are arguing even when you are apart;
- You bring the same topic again and again without giving yourself a chance to take a break and calm down;
- You rarely miss a chance to bring into a current argument an old topic without having any reason or relation;
- You are making fun of the partner during an argument (calling names such as “stupid” or “witch”);
- You don’t care if the time is right or not, you start to argue right away;
- You take the argument to social media and share it with the whole world;
- You feel entertained by the feeling of arguing;
- The main way to communicate with your partner is with arguments;
- You find it easier to avoid talking at all.
Infidelity, also known as cheating, wandering, adultery, being unfaithful, two-timing, or having an affair, is a breach of a couple’s emotional and/or sexual exclusivity that causes feelings of rage, sexual jealousy, and competitiveness.
Some studies claim that just a tiny number of infidelity-affected couples strengthen their relationship, while others claim that infidelity-affected couples have surprisingly excellent relationship results.
Choosing the right time to get serious and/or get married
You may find the answer for yourself while thinking about the questions below.
Is it TOO EARLY to get into a serious relationship?
- Have you chosen to get into that state of a relationship, or has it just happened?
- Are you sure that you can take the responsibilities that a serious relationship requires?
- If you get into one, is there a chance that it will affect negatively your future plans for education, career, or whatever is that thing that you want for yourself?
- If you are in your early 20s or even before, is it possible that you have a misunderstanding about the meaning of a serious relationship, or are there major changes in your life waiting for you (like graduation, or moving away from the current place, or changing job)?
Is it TOO LATE to get into a serious relationship?
- Do you think that you are the only one that is in the same position?
- What do you have to lose and if any – does it cost your happiness or potential realization of your dreams?
- Are you satisfied with your life just how it is are now?
Having realistic expectations from the relationship and the partner
- Spending time together
These all are things that you can expect from a strong relationship and a partner.
Having a feeling of equality
Equality should be met by default, but that is not always the case. A relationship must always be a partnership of equals, regardless of who earns more, has a more powerful position in society, or has more essential work.
It is unethical for one person to utilize their status, position, or wealth to dominate the relationship and expect the other to make up the difference. In some situations, you must learn to stand up and demand equality, not just accept it.
You may also find it interesting to read:
- 10 Self-Assessment Tests for Understanding Yourself and Your Needs in Relationships
- Serious relationship in your 20s? Too late or too early?
- How to overcome relationship fears?
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